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Wednesday, December 20, 2006, 4:08 pm / A

Headliners

from: http://beverly.livejournal.com/511355.html (comments included)

THE YEAR’S BEST [actual] HEADLINES OF 2006

Crack Found on Governor’s Daughter
[Imagine that!]

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[No, really?]

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[Now that’s taking things a bit far]

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
[Not if I wipe thoroughly!]

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[What a guy!]

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[No-good-for-nothing’ lazy so-and-so]

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[See if that works any better than a fair trial]

War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect]

If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[You think?]

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[Who would have thought?]

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[They may be on to something]

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[You mean there’s something stronger than duct tape?]

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge]

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[Weren’t they fat enough?!]

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That’s what he gets for eating those beans]

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken?]

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again]

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall]

And the winner is….

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

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2 Comments

Leave a Comment
  1. B / Dec 21 2006 3:00 pm

    HAHAHAHAHAA BLOODY HILARIOUS. LOVE THE LAST ONE!

  2. lithiumed / Dec 22 2006 1:24 pm

    hahhaha yeah cracked me up bad =D

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