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Saturday, January 10, 2009, 1:08 am / A

How to pass a driving test… the Lith way

Now as you may or may not know, I have the shortest attention span in history. How short? As short as staring into a lover’s eyes and going, “I love…. hey look, m&ms!” Otherwise, when you’re rambling on about something equally interesting and monotonous like the weather, my mind could rival Calvin.

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Yeah. No kidding. The mind is definitely not supposed to wander whilst on the roads! In fact, I remember subconsciously tapping the horn to a tune in my head, much to the horror of the instructor…So, hello calculated improvision!

Two choices:

  • Ritalin – which I was legally prescribed but refused to take after 2 years – for focus and concentration
  • Benzos – Mmmmm…..benzos. – to dull the over-active imagination.

So, flip a coin… and benzos it is! [Ed’s note: Not really, I had no access to Ritalin anyway, and there were more than just over-active imaginations to be dulled ;)]

Now here’s where to pay attention.
**All benzos named are arbitrary, and can be substituted for anything you like, such as aspirin or baby powder**

Assuming zero tolerance to benzodiazepines, take one diazepam the day before the test. Take another when you feel it wearing off. Run out of diazepams? A couple of ativans plus clonazepam will do it. Oh, and there’s that unidentifiable pink pill.. just take it anyway.

The next morning, do not take anything more! They should still be in your bloodstream, and all is right with the world. One track mind. No stray thoughts. No one’s going to hold you up with an AK-47. No psychotic girlfriends in the back seat. Now go ace that test!

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Epilogue (approximately 6 months late): Tested and proven, and I have the license to show for it. For Singaporeans who get it: I passed with 8 points leh!!!! ;)

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2 Comments

Leave a Comment
  1. shoot / Jan 10 2009 11:45 am

    Fortunate that they don’t do drug tests before driving examinations :) (How Un-Singaporean!)
    Congratters on passing though, zoned out or not!

  2. lithiumed / Jan 10 2009 12:35 pm

    I wasn’t zoned out, just really calm and patient and all :)

    Thanks for the congrats – even though quite a few months late ;)

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