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Friday, October 16, 2009, 4:58 am / A

Forecasts

(insert naked weather woman here)

The fog lifted for a few hours, and the moonlight was visible even through the clouds. Haze took over soon after, and experts believe air quality levels are not expected to improve in the immediate future.
Residents should anticipate low-lying clouds and occasional hail accompanied by lightning, that might aid in dissipating a small portion of the smog. Fire and brimstone, the missing two of the trifecta, are not expected unless the Earth’s axial tilt increases or decreases by one degree, a phenomenon that can be caused by global warming or extreme frostiness. Thunder may be heard in most areas, and temperatures are at a low of 10.27 degrees tonight.
Those wishing to endure this rogue weather may wish to turn to liberal usage of Oxycodone – to bask in the opiate warmth, Cigarettes – preferably a joint, as it might activate the munchies that will aid in maintaining the body temperature, or a long swig from the hip flask that doesn’t end till said flask is emptied.

This weather report is brought to you by the Nationally Accredited Ignorant VErmin. Good night/morning.

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